


Fall Apart With You

by SoonerOrLater



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, M/M, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26559475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoonerOrLater/pseuds/SoonerOrLater
Summary: Sometimes your body is trying to tell you something...Patrick suffers from migraines triggered by stress. When one hits the day after his parents leave he learns being vulnerable takes many forms. And David learns he's capable of taking care of his boyfriend.
Relationships: David Rose/Patrick Brewer
Comments: 37
Kudos: 209





	1. Phase 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't take pharmaceutical or medical advice from David Rose (or from me) and anything Patrick takes/does in this should not be taken as advice. 
> 
> (All migraine descriptions based on my particular experience, including Patrick's scale for them...)

He’d known it was coming. And almost on cue, a day after his parents left it hit. He’d woken up with a bit of a headache, but after a week of work, entertaining his parents, not eating right and frankly more than a bit of stress that didn’t seem too unusual. Actually he should have known exactly what was coming but it was easier to ignore it a while longer. He’d eaten late, that’s why he felt nauseous. And not drunk enough water. He downed some water and forced himself out for a run, trying to expel some of the nervous energy he was holding on to. His head felt heavy but...he assumed it would pass with some air.

By the time he came back, he could feel a creeping pressure around his head. He showered and changed for the day, throwing on a hooded sweater and his oldest jeans, not planning on going anywhere. He made coffee and absently touched his face. He felt the heat in his cheeks and groaned. He couldn’t dismiss his one infallible sign, he had a migraine coming and there was very little he could do. 

Still, he figured he had a few hours before he was useless. Or before he was forced to take enough painkillers to make him barely functional. He hated that more than anything, the migraine pills worked, but they made him more nauseous. Or the painkillers worked. But rendered him totally useless for hours. And he had things to do. Just the normal life things, like cleaning, laundry and groceries but with his parents unexpectedly here, and having the Store to run- David had taken most of the work, but he hadn’t been able to totally step away- he had a lot of life admin to catch up on. And all he’d wanted for his Sunday afternoon was some time alone with David. He didn’t have time for this. Maybe it would be ok, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. Sometimes the right balance of painkillers and a few home remedies could stop it before it got to Phase 2 and totally knocked him out. 

He poured the coffee. Either way, there was a couple of hours grace before he’d know either way he should crack on. His phone chirped. Right on cue for a ‘Good Morning’ from David. He smiled even before he picked up his phone. 

‘Morning. Hope you slept ok? Hope you slept in. The parents want to do ‘Family Breakfast’ and my Mom has some kind of ‘design emergency’ at the theatre...see you this afternoon? X

Before he could reply another message popped up. 

‘Unless you need a day to yourself. X’

And another. 

‘I won’t mind. Honestly, you do what you need to. X’

Patrick smiled, David’s brain was in overdrive already and it was early for him to be awake. He rubbed at his face. It had been a hell of a week for both of them. And David had coped amazingly with being thrown into hosting his parents, along with everything else that had thrown at him. He tapped out an instant reply knowing David would be staring anxiously at the message on ‘read’

‘Morning. Come over whenever. Doing chores/errands this morning. Miss you. X’

Immediately his phone pinged back. 

‘It’s been like 18 hours. So needy. ;) x’

And again 

‘Miss you too.x’

Patrick smiled again. ‘Report back on what new horrors your Mom has cooked up for me later.’

He put his phone down and poured the coffee. What he needed today was a quiet afternoon with his boyfriend, just the two of them, and a chance to relax after this ridiculous week. He didn’t need his head getting in the way of that. 

First, he took a mix of over the counter painkillers- he’d learned mixing staggering amounts of different types was fine. So he did that. 

Next salt. He could feel his body craving it. Another early warning sign. He had a bag of open tortilla chips from a slightly disastrous attempt at cooking enchiladas a few weeks back, which David had found weirdly hilarious. He ate his way through the chips while he cleaned the apartment. Not a balanced breakfast but one that might serve a purpose. While it wasn’t an ideal breakfast He could feel a slight righting of balance with either the salt or the painkillers. He drank enough water to practically drown. He threw his laundry in and got in the car to drive to the grocery store. There was a creeping tightness around his temples by now, but he could still function. 

He wasn’t sure why he was always so determined not to give in. Mostly the feeling of helplessness, or admitting defeat. People couldn’t see you were ill, even when your head felt like it was exploding, and he always felt like a fraud. And it was lonely. The days he’d spent alone in his room in college feeling like he was dying with nobody around to help. His Mom was great, but a terrible nurse. He chuckled to himself thinking at least she’d left before this one kicked in. And Rachel...well Rachel meant well in lots of things but he’d never felt more alone than when he was suffering in their bedroom and she was elsewhere. Mostly he just cursed the days of his life he’d lost to this. 

Home from the grocery store he tried his last-ditch old-wives-tale-that-worked cure: coke and dark chocolate. It was one that worked more often than it should. The caffeine and the sugar he guessed. But even as he forced down the chocolate he knew it was too late- this was an early-warning-sign stop not a last-ditch attempt to cure. He checked the time and took some more painkillers. Then dragged himself downstairs to the laundry room. It was unbearably hot down there. He pulled his clothes into the hamper and as he stood a wave of dizziness and nausea hit him. And at the same time a searing pain over his left eye. 

Fuck. He blinked and steadied himself. Knowing when he was beaten he slowly walked back upstairs- it was like walking underwater at this point. He opened the door and as he bent down to put his laundry on the floor he was met by the very real knowledge he was going to vomit. And vomit now. 

Great. It was going to be one of those. 

His body heaved one more time and when he was done he leaned on the side of the toilet. Actually it was cool in here. And with the door shut the only room that got totally dark in the daytime. Maybe he could wait out the worst of it here. He shut the door and pulled down a towel off the rack. There was a certain angle that if he propped his neck and head up on his back there was a tiny shred of release, clearly something in the muscle angle and tension. After a few moments wrestling with the towel he managed it and closed his eyes. Just for a bit, he could wait it out. 

It took exactly five unanswered texts before David panicked. He was used to a couple of his frenetic texts going unanswered while Patrick was actually busy. Three even if he knew he was playing or watching sports. Four got him to ‘he’s mad at me’ and five was very clearly ‘crashed his car and dead in a ditch’ So after another 30 minutes of blind panic. And another ten convincing Alexis to drive him, he was rushing in through the door. And falling over a laundry basket. 

And his shout of ‘PATRICK’ became also a kind of yell scream as he dove headfirst through the door, just saving himself from falling flat on his face. He expected- despite his dramatics- to be greeted by Patrick laughing at his expense. But there was no sign of him. A quick scan of the room indicated he should be there. Laundry basket aside there was a jacket on a kitchen chair, coffee in the pot...keys on the kitchen counter. Phone, on the table. He picked it up, all his messages unread on the lock screen. For a second a smile flickered when he realised Patrick had changed his lock screen to a photo of them at his Birthday party. But quickly panic overrode the delight at that. 

‘Patrick?’ he called again. 

There was a noise from the bathroom. A sort of groan that could have been his name. He crossed the room and pushed at the door, it was dark inside.

He’d been in a weird state of half-consciousness. He’d heard David come in, he thinks he even answered his call. But somewhere between that and here his brain hadn’t managed to piece the two together. Just as David pushed the door to the bathroom open and light had flooded in, searing into his eyes and sending shooting pains into his head so bad that he doubled up. He was somehow shouting in fear and surprise and trying not to throw up at once. So he curled into a ball. 

‘Patrick it’s me. It’s me it’s ok!’ David ran inside the small bathroom. In the half-light, he’d registered Patrick’s voice but not where he was. He now saw him small and curled up on the floor. He couldn’t tell if he was hurt, unwell, just startled. But he looked very small right now. David swallowed and stepped inside the bathroom properly. 

‘I couldn’t get up or I’d’ Patrick muttered, hauling himself slowly upright. had hauled himself to a seated position now, but he held his hand up as if to pause what he was saying...then spun around and threw up into the toilet. Wave after wave of nausea took over him as his head span. Eventually, the world stopped a bit. He’d expected David to have disappeared from view, so he actually jumped when he felt his hand on his back. He couldn’t speak yet. Couldn’t turn his head for fear of setting his stomach off again. But he felt David’s reassuring hand on his back. 

‘Hey.’ he heard David’s soft voice. 

Patrick half hummed half grunted and managed to push himself backwards to a sitting position. He closed his eyes and steadied himself. ‘Migraine’ he managed to say, not able to open his eyes. ‘Be ok...later.’ 

He felt David’s hand on his cheek. Knew he felt the heat there. ‘Hmm’ David said. ‘Do you need to stay in here for a bit?’

Patrick flicked his eyes open, it was dark still but the crack of light from the door was enough to see David’s concerned, but calm face. The light was also enough to hurt his eyes and he squinted a bit, feeling things start to swim again. ‘Hmmm’ he managed. ‘Go home David, I’m no use for anything today.’


	2. Phase 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second phase is always the worst. And Patrick is reluctant to take medication. David puts his years of helping Moria into practice.

He heard David’s footsteps moving away and the door clicking shut before he lay back down, face on the cool tiles this time. Willing himself not to be sick again. Willing his head to stop trying to kill him off long enough to crawl back into bed and sleep it off until tomorrow. Patrick had no idea how much time passed, eventually, his stomach quietened enough, but only for his head to take over and feel like his brain was about to break out of his skull. The pressure over his left eye was unbearable. He needed painkillers or a pickaxe. He hauled himself to his feet and felt for the door. The light was unbearable and he squinted then closed his eyes immediately, leaning hard on the door. 

Immediately he felt David at his side. 

‘Hey. Ok right, we’re in no state to be walking here, come on.’ he felt David take his right arm ‘Keep your eyes closed I’ll get you to the bed. The curtains are all closed down there. I’ll get the rest in a second.’

‘I told you to go home.’ Patrick muttered. ‘You don’t want to be looking after me.’ 

‘I didn’t listen. You’re fond of telling me I don’t.’ David said as they reached the bedroom. ‘And where exactly else am I going to go?’ 

Patrick tried to mutter thanks but nothing came out. His head felt like it was ready to explode. 

David guided Patrick to the bed and sat him down. Now he was out of the dark of the bathroom he could take a proper look at him. His cheeks were still flushed, but he was also extremely pale- even by his standards. David reached up and touched his cheek, then his forehead. Patrick hummed slightly. His cheeks were hot but he didn’t have a fever. Clearly just a migraine then. Not just David caught himself, this was clearly wrecking Patrick, who he never saw give in to any kind of illness. Not even a hangover. He was a ‘push through it’ kind of guy, whereas David was an ‘I’m going to die’ kind of guy. In Patrick’s words. 

Patrick attempted a weak smile and David felt a pull at his chest. He really did look beaten. ‘Here.’ David said reaching over to the bedside table where he’d already put a glass of water. He handed it to Patrick, then picked up the four pills he’d also left there. ‘And here.’

Patrick frowned ‘Where did you?’ he took a sip of water ‘I’ll just take some more Advil.’

‘Your First Aid Kit.’ David said ‘I know you’re a fucking Boy Scout and have everything organised. Now take them.’

‘No just get me some Advil.’ Patrick said, his voice slightly slow and slurred. ‘I don’t want these…’

‘These are your migraine medications.’ David said stubbornly, ‘And those are stronger pain killers, I assume also prescribed for this.’

Patrick grunted. ‘I don’t need them. I’ll be fine.’

David tilted Patrick’s chin up so he had to look at him. ‘This.’ he said ‘is not fine.’ 

‘I don’t wanna take them David.’ Patrick mumbled and shoved at him in a way that would have been funny had he not looked so pathetic. David frowned. Clearly there was more to this, but right now his objective was to make him not in as much pain. He could have the rest of this argument with stubborn Patrick later. 

‘Ok.’ he said, picking up one of the pills. ‘These. Are co-codamol. One of them is not really any stronger than doubling up a dose of Advil and Ibuprofen.’ he raised an eyebrow letting Patrick know his snooping had extended to the wrappers he’d left out. ‘So how about you take this because it works faster.’ very occasionally David could be the take-charge guy when needed. 

‘Fine’ Patrick mumbled, and took the pill ‘How do you know this?’

David half-smiled ‘You think Moira Rose’s son doesn’t grow up learning a thing or two about prescription drugs?’ he’d meant it as a joke but Patrick’s face crumpled a bit. He still forgot that certain bits of his questionable past made Patrick feel really sorry for him. And with his defences down like this he was possibly one Rose family story away from making him cry. 

‘No, no, it’s fine. Means I can fix you. And I’m good in a First Aid emergency’ he quipped trying to lighten the mood. ‘Next Moira Rose trick. Take a nap and everything gets better.’ he felt his own stab of sadness at that. He was well versed in taking care of people slightly the worse for wear, starting when he was about 15. Still putting it to good use now. Suggest that next time you’re failing to get a dance routine’ he added to lighten the mood for himself this time. 

He reached under the pillow and pulled out Patrick’s pyjama bottoms and handed them to him. ‘First things first.’ David continued ‘You can’t take a nap in jeans.’ Then he stood up and went over the wardrobe and pulled out his own black hoodie. Patrick was struggling, slowly, out of his jeans. He looked like every movement was ten times the effort. When he wriggled out of them and kicked them to one side, David picked them up, folding them neatly, and once Patrick was in his softer pants, held out the hoodie. 

‘This one is fine.’ Patrick muttered. God, it hurt to talk. 

David was perched next to him now, apparently taking matters into his own hands, and unzipping the one he had on. ‘I long ago gave up arguing your fashion choices love’ he said ‘But you’ve managed to get vomit on this one.’ he gently eased it off Patrick’s shoulders, then held up the other one, which Patrick dutifully pulled on. Once he zipped up the front David flopped the hood over Patrick’s head and it came fully over and covered his eyes. ‘Adorable’ he said ‘I can’t see your face.’

Patrick laughed in spite of himself, and in spite of the fact it hurt. ‘Don’t make me laugh.’ he muttered. He held up his arms, in which his hands were covered by the sleeves. ‘Stupid giant sweater-man’ he chuckled before groaning a bit and flopping sideways on the bed, really really slowly. It was like wading through treacle. 

‘Lie there.’ David commanded as if he was likely to do anything else. Patrick muttered something he didn’t quite catch ‘What?’ David asked, leaning down moving the hood off his face just enough to see his face. 

‘It smells like you.’ he muttered again with a little smile. David smiled and risked a little kiss to Patrick’s hot cheek. He hummed in pleasure and David let the hood drop back over his eyes. 

He went to the freezer and rummaged for the ice pack he knew was there. Previously he’d only seen Patrick use it on sports injuries, for which he’d mocked him- until he’d got a baseball to the back and realised it fucking hurt. And also last week for a burn thanks to the enchiladas. David was fast writing Mexican food off his menu for life. It was a soft, long rectangular one and David realised the real reason he’d always kept it in the freezer now. He wondered idly how often this happened and whether he’d been obviously missing it before by being selfish and self-involved. He shrugged that thought off and concentrated on helping now. 

Patrick was grateful for the soft bed after the hard floor of the bathroom. He fidgeted trying to figure out the best way to lie. Eventually, he settled on his head on the pillow facing up but his body slightly twisted to the side. Everything hurt by now. This was what he called ‘Phase Two’ ...phase One was the warning signs, even the vomiting. Phase two felt like his skin, as well as his head was on fire. He didn’t have a fever but every touch, even his soft sheets irritated him. He moaned and pulled the hood of his sweater over his head. It had the bonus of covering his eyes as well. 

He’d been aware of David moving around but it all sounded really far away. Blurry and underwater. So he jumped when David touched his arm, partly in surprise, partly as touch hurt. His limbs were tingling. Great that had kicked in too. This really was a bad one then. 

‘Sorry.’ he muttered into his pillow. 

‘S’ok’ David said and Patrick’s chest swelled when he realised he was keeping his voice low and soft. ‘I brought the ice pack.’ he added. 

Patrick opened his eyes, and pushed the hood back a little to see. Or see as much as he could, his vision had gone in his left eye now, in part and the rest of it was all coloured splodges. And it never stopped being terrifying. He involuntarily gasped, partly in pain partly at the always disconcerting element of it. He could feel David watching him. ‘My eyes.’ he said ‘well, eye. I can’t really see out of this one- it’s temporary but’ he made face as a fresh wave of pain washed over him. ‘Sorry’ he said when it subsided a bit ‘for jumping then....it hurts...everything...like not hurts, but my skin feels...I don’t know, when anything touches it…’ he closed his eyes again and jammed the ice pack over his eyes and forehead. He sighed with the instant relief it brought. 

‘S’ok’ David repeated. ‘I’m gonna read on the couch, yell if you need me.’

Patrick managed a slight moan to show he’d heard. Phase Two was the worst. 

David curled up on the couch with his book, angled towards the bedroom so he could keep an eye on Patrick. He wasn't sure why exactly he needed to see him as he was only about 8 feet away, but it made him feel better. He sat and watched him for a few minutes. Ready to leap up if he needed anything. He’d tried to send him away. David took a deep breath and reminded himself Patrick didn’t like being a burden. He wasn’t shutting him out. This wasn’t that. He was probably used to coping alone. Didn’t want to bother David. Probably didn’t think he’d make a very good nurse. Though perhaps the truth of that might surprise him. Patrick shifted a bit and David snapped to attention, but he was just repositioning himself. He wants you here. David told himself. He loves you. He’s not pushing you away. 

He had his book in hand but he picked up his phone instead and started googling. He might be good with pharmaceutical knowledge but there was probably more he could do. Immediately he jumped up realising he hadn’t shut the rest of the curtains, and cursed his insistence on getting the largely translucent one for the living room. He made a note in his phone to order some blackout liners for them. He flicked on the lamp and curled up in Patrick’s chair near the window so he could have the light, but not bother Patrick. Who was still occasionally shifting in the bed clearly still in pain. David cursed a little internally he hadn’t been more insistent on him taking all the pills. But hopefully that one would kick in enough shortly to give him some relief. He went back to his googling. Ten minutes later he had enough of a plan and texted Stevie begging her to run the errands for him. 

‘Text when you get here don’t knock. (Please) x’ he added

‘Sure. My Aunt used to get them. Terrible things. I’ll help. (you owe me, obviously)’

He smiled. He was lucky to have a Stevie in his life. So was Patrick, of whom she was clearly fond too. 

Patrick pressed the cold ice pack into his eyes. The cold hurt, but it hurt less than his head. He wondered if he smashed it hard enough would that kill the pain. His head was so full. The pressure was unbearable. He couldn’t think clearly and yet he couldn’t help thinking. He wished David wasn’t here, and he also felt terrible for it. He shouldn’t let David see him like this. It was going to freak him out. Or he was going to think he was pathetic. He’d already done enough this week to make David think less of him. He cursed himself, you know that’s not true, he told himself. You know he understands. You fucked it up. He reminded himself. It worked out but you fucked it all up. And now he’s seeing this. He groaned out load as pain stabbed across his left eye and a wave of nausea took hold, and he cursed himself. 

If he angled his neck back it temporarily eased, but then the pressure of the ice pack wasn’t right and he felt it swell towards his temple again. He didn’t dare open his eyes again. There was a swirling kind of noise in his ears still, his arms and legs tingled like tiny knives were attacking his body. And every now and again a pain shot through his head just over his left eye that felt like a stab. It happened again and he heard himself exclaim aloud. He groaned. ‘David?’ he called his voice muffled now by the pillows.

He felt David nearby, clearly hovering at a distance, but also having lept up at his first stupid shout. He pulled the ice pack off his eyes and pulled himself up. ‘I need the rest of the pills’ he muttered. 

David nodded. He didn’t even raise an eyebrow to say ‘Told you so.’ which told Patrick he probably looked truly pathetic. David handed him the glass and the two remaining pills. He took the migraine one first, they were huge and terrible to swallow. Then the second co-codamol. David held out two more pills. ‘Ibuprofen.’ he said. ‘Assume the others you took were this morning?’ Patrick nodded. ‘They work on swelling, and they’re fine with the rest. Trust me.’ Patrick did. Worryingly he probably knew more about dispensing drugs than some of the assistants at Pharmaprix. Patrick nodded and did as he was told. 

‘Stay put a second’ David said, though where he thought he was likely to go was a mystery. Patrick stayed sitting. For the moment it was no less painful so he tipped his head back and rested the ice pack again on his forehead. He allowed himself an indulgent groan of anguish. He wanted to punch something. Preferably his own head. A few seconds later David was back, Patrick felt the weight of him sit down on the bed.

‘Here.’ he heard him say softly, Patrick took the ice pack off and slowly moved his head upright and opened his eyes. David was holding a can of coke. ‘Drink some of this.’ 

Patrick nodded his thanks. The combination of caffeine and sugar would help, and calm the inevitable nausea return those tablets were about to cause. In his other hand David had a flannel, which he now showed to Patrick ‘Can I’ he said gesturing towards Patrick’s neck ‘You don’t have a heat pack but I’ve soaked this in really hot water so it should do the same thing for a bit. It should help if you’ve got tension in your neck. If the muscles relax a bit, or it relaxes you it might help with, you know, everything' Patrick smiled at him, he was talking as much as usual even when trying to be quiet. He was still being David, even when faced with this. He nodded, ‘Thanks’ he said, leaning off the pillows a bit. David reached around and placed it at the base of his neck and applied a bit of pressure. ‘This ok?’ he said quietly, his fingers were gently kneading at it while he held it there and it did feel really good. Patrick felt his shoulders drop a fraction. 

‘Mmm yeah. Thank you.’ he said sipping gently at the coke. The world was spinning and he couldn’t see properly, but he felt a tiny bit more grounded now, mostly thanks to David’s hand on his neck. They stayed there for a moment, until he couldn’t stay upright any more. David must have caught the look on his face because he managed to take the coke while holding onto the flannel and moving out of the way for Patrick to lie back down. He arranged the flannel so it would say on Patrick’s neck as he lay sideways. 

‘I’ll put this one back in the freezer.’ he said of the now slightly melted ice pack. Leaving Patrick to sleep, or at least doze until the pills kicked in.


	3. Phase 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick opens up about his migraines. David does his best to care for him.

He moved quietly around the apartment, folding the laundry he’d fallen over earlier. Tidying up the kitchen a bit more, giving the stove a good wipe over, cleaning the microwave. It wasn’t like Patrick’s place was ever dirty, it just gave him something to do, quieting his brian while his hands worked. He was finishing up the bathroom, which had needed cleaning, when his phone pinged in his pocket. He pulled off the rubber gloves and thought if you’d told him two years ago he’d be cleaning up a boyfriend’s vomit stained toilet he wouldn’t believe you. As thoroughly disgusting as it was on one hand, his heart swelled a little at the domesticity of it. 

Stevie was leaning against the doorframe when he clicked open the door. 

‘Delivery!’ she smiled.

‘Thank you’ David said as Stevie handed over the bag. He looked ok. She was relieved, it had been a hell of a week but he seemed actually totally calm and in control. 

‘You’re welcome. I threw in some extra snacks too.’

‘Aren’t you the best Mom’ David teased peering into the bag. 

She smirked at him. ‘I will take my candy back home if you don’t be nice.’ she jerked her head inside ‘How is he?’ 

On cue Patrick wandered to the door. He was barefoot and his clothes were rumbled and creased as was his hair. He looked really pale, but he smiled at Stevie. 

‘Hey Stevie!’ he said with what felt like a slightly forced chipperness. 

‘What are you doing up?’ David said.

‘I heard voices.’ Patrick said. He lost his balance a bit and wound his arm around David’s waist steadying himself. ‘I wanted to say hi’ he frowned a bit.

Stevie bit her lip and smiled, he was totally high on painkillers. And totally unaware of it. David caught her smiling and instinctively pulled Patrick closer, planting a kiss on top of Patrick’s head, smoothing out his hair with a hand. Stevie’s smile shifted. These two really were going to be ok, and it made something in her really happy. It felt right. David caught her looking. 

‘What?’ he said. 

‘Nothing.’ Stevie smiled. ‘Right I have to go. Dance rehearsal.’ 

‘Ooh wait until you see her latest staging ideas’ David’s usual mischievous look was back. 

Stevie groaned. ‘Feel better Patrick.’ she said.

‘Stevie! Bye. Wait!’ he untangled himself from David and threw himself at her for a hug. 

‘Oh Ok!’ she laughed at the force of it. They hugged, just not that often. And Patrick’s current lack of coordination and the surprise nearly sent her flying backwards into the doorway. 

David waded in to retrieve his boyfriend and save his friend- or both of them actually- from injury. On top of everything else he had visions of explaining to his Mother that he’d injured her two stars. ‘Ok you come on. Stevie brought tea, let’s make some.’ 

He waved Stevie off- having got herself upright again, and shut the door steering Patrick towards the kitchen table. He sat down and seemed momentarily a bit more human. Sitting up was progress. 

‘That was nice of Stevie.’ Patrick said as David unpacked the bags. One had the food he’d asked for which he put in the fridge. A second Ice Pack he regonsed from the Motel, and a heat pack too. ‘Stevie is great isn’t she? She’s just so...Stevie. But she’s nice. And I’m glad she’s your friend. Your best friend. I wish I’d seen it when you two met because it’s like having two of you around sometimes. I bet you kind of hated each other for a second...you know before you slept together’

‘Those pills kicked in then huh?’ David said flicking on the kettle. ‘Also I hate to disappoint but it was a mutual respect based on a disdain for others. Then a lot of Pot.’ 

‘Mmm’ Patrick said ‘I can see again.’ he paused ‘Mostly. It’s um, weird they don’t stop it, like I can still feel it’s there but it’s like this low humming noise instead of screaming. And the other ones they like break up the migraine that’s what it feels like, but it hurts while they do it and I feel a bit sick and-Hi’

David had stood next to him and put the cup of ginger tea he’d been making down. As soon as Patrick sensed his presence he’d snaked an arm around his waist and leant into him. Patrick paused and pulled back. ‘Sorry.’ he muttered putting his hands around the tea. His mood suddenly shifted. 

David turned and picked his up and sat down next to him. ‘For what?’ 

Patrick held onto the tea staring into it. For a second David thought it was just his head hurting him but he realised he was deep in thought. ‘I was talking so much. I get...weird on the pills.’

David couldn’t help but smile. Poor Patrick thinking that being a tiny bit loopy on some mildly strong painkillers was bad. ‘Patrick.’ he said seriously ‘I am the son of Moria Rose, you think I haven’t seen worse.’

This was apparently the wrong thing to say again. Patrick looked like he might cry. David really did need to train him in knowing when he really was ok with making light of the darker times. Which was mostly how they all coped. But it seemed Patrick’s mind was elsewhere. 

‘I don’t like how they make me feel. One lot makes me feel...I dunno worse to feel better. And the painkillers make you…’

‘Lose some control.’ David said. He said it kindly. Patrick looked up and he was biting his lip looking worried. Patrick nodded. 

‘I used to have stronger ones.’ he added ‘I’m sure Mr Pharmacy here is probably familiar.’

David quirked an eyebrow but let him carry on. ‘I don’t remember any of the days I took them. I know I needed them because it was...bad then. One time Rachel was staying at College with me’ he checked in that mentioning her name was ok, David hadn’t responded so he carried on. ‘She said the pills made me stupid.’ he said ‘it’s stupid. But it stuck. She also said I didn’t need them, it was-’ he chuckled mirthlessly, ‘All in my head.’ he paused and David waited ‘she’s not a bad person but...there’s lots she didn’t get.’ he paused again ‘That’s why I’m weird about taking them.’

David nodded slowly. He could understand that. He reached out a finger and poked at Patrick’s hand ‘You’re barely even high Patrick. I’ve seen you drunk. That’s much worse. You fall over. A lot.’ he wasn’t lying, Patrick was a chatty and affectionate drunk and also a spectacularly uncoordinated one. Which obviously David found hilarious and endearing in equal measure. ‘I’ve seen you drunk and jealous as well’ David teased. 

It worked, Patrick chuckled. David poked his hand again and he unravelled it from his mug and took David’s in his. David paused and took a sip of his tea. ‘I can see how much pain you’re in.’ he said ‘I don’t think less of you for however you choose to deal with that. It’s your body. You get to be in charge.’

Patrick looked at him, remembering earlier this week when he’d said something similar. He squeezed his hand. 

‘How are you feeling now?’ David asked. 

‘Phase Three.’ Patrick answered. David frowned. ‘Phase One is, I can feel it coming. Sometimes I can stop it sometimes…’

‘You end up with your head in a toilet?’ David was trying to keep it light, sensing this was difficult. 

Patrick smiled, ‘Sometimes I haven’t made it to a toilet.’ David made a suitably disgusted face and Patrick smiled a bit wider. Grossing him out was always a little bit fun. ‘All over the floor’ he said with a wrinkle of his nose. ‘Luckily it was college dorms and they’d all seen far worse.’ 

‘You are suitably disgusting.’ David said sipping his tea and pretending not to be a bit amused. 

Patrick nodded, then continued. ‘After that it’s Phase Two. Which is, well, that.’ he nodded his head towards the bed. ‘I can’t function. I mean I’ve tried. I’ve had to before but it varies from just pain to...not being able to see, which is obviously not ideal if I need to get home, to…’ he hesitated not sure how much to share, David squeezed his hand ‘I get confused too, sometimes. If I sleep I get these really vivid nightmares, so I try not to until that phase passes.’ he shrugged. 

‘What about....’ David didn’t want to push but Patrick seemed to want to share ‘When I touched you..’

‘I’m so sorry David.’ Patrick said, looking down. ‘It's not you I promise. It’s like it spreads across my skin sometimes? Like not quite like pins and needles, not quite like your skin is on fire, but if something touches me, even sometimes clothes...I don’t know how to explain it.’ he subconsciously fidgeted with his sweater. ‘This is soft though.’ he smiled. 

‘It fucking better be how much it cost’ David half smiled, then looked serious, ‘That must be horrible. No terrifying.’

Patrick shrugged ‘It’s no fun for sure. But I’m used to it.’ he paused ‘I’m used to doing it on my own.’ 

David nodded ‘You know you don’t have to right?’ 

Patrick nodded slowly. ‘I’m used to it.’ he felt David squeeze his hand then carried on, ‘That sometimes goes on all day’ he felt like he should warn David about this now he was able to speak. ‘Phase Three is, the drugs have kicked in and I can sit upright and see...a bit better...you’re a bit blurry on this side if I’m honest.’ he felt like he had to be really honest now. 

David nodded. He knew none of this was too serious. People got migraines all the time. Patrick wasn’t in particular danger, unless he stupidly tried to drive his car like this. But it was important he realised, his sharing this. Letting him be here. 

‘I’m going to start thinking I can function properly again’ Patrick continued, ‘but I can’t. I’ve done it plenty too. I went to class drugged up to my eyes in college, stayed in work when I shouldn’t have.’

‘Why?’ David asked. 

Patrick thought for a moment and shrugged. ‘I didn’t want to feel like I was failing.’ David didn’t answer he just nodded. ‘Anyway I like to think I can function at this point, just because I’m capable of moving but I can’t, because it still really fucking hurts.’

‘Is that the medical terminogy, really fucking hurts?’ David asked. 

‘I have told more than one neurologist that.’ Patrick confirmed. 

David frowned. ‘So you’ve seen…’ he trailed off. Subconsciously he squeezed at Patrick’s hand a little too hard. Maybe this was more serious than he thought. Panic started to rise with immediate disaster scenarios in his head. 

‘Hey. Hey.’ Patrick saw the panic the minute it hit David’s eyes, and squeezed back. ‘I’ve had everything checked. Time and time again. Just migraines.’ he took a sip of his tea. Pausing. ‘Usually caused by stress.’ he paused, again, why was this so hard to talk about? He’d never really explained it to anyone other than in medical situations. Not even his Mom knew the details. Or his theories on why. Theories he was only starting to fully understand. He carried on, ‘Three years ago this was happening two, three times a month. Worse than today sometimes.’ He saw David swallow hard and nod, but he didn’t speak. ‘It was totally debilitating. And I was really ...alone...So.’ he shrugged, it was probably time to tell him everything. ‘I’ve had a handful since I moved here. Sometimes it’s when a storm comes, or you know in summer when it’s so humid you can’t breathe right?’ David nodded. ‘Those ones aren’t that bad, not a proper one really. Same goes for sports ones- I get dehydrated, or knocked on the head by a ball or someone’s hockey stick.’ David winced, ‘Those ones walk the line between bad headache and this.’ he rubbed his face with his free hand ‘But the ones like this- or worse- since I moved here, well.’ David rubbed his thumb over Patrick’s hand. ‘The first weekend I moved here, I didn’t leave my room. Ray thought I was some weird recluse. He did keep trying to feed me though.’ he saw David’s smile, ‘The weekend before your Birthday- not this year, the one...well.’ Patrick looked down again, ‘Then the weekend after Rachel came. He exhaled ‘New Year’s Day’ he looked at David now ‘It wasn’t food poisoning from the Shrimp. I was upset about the holidays and...’ he swallowed, ‘And today. After, my parents...and everything.’ 

David nodded slowly, he felt Patrick’s fingers on his rings, a sure sign he was nervous or anxious. ‘So stress triggered?’ he felt Patrick fidget more with his rings ‘Did you ever, I mean when you were sick a lot, did you make the connections?’ 

Patrick shook his head, he was turning one of David’s rings with such ferocity now it was practically spinning. ‘I think I’m only just figuring that out actually.’ 

David placed his other hand over both of theirs and let Patrick sit for a moment. He used his free hand to take a sip of tea and David caught him wincing as he did so. 

‘Come on. Back to bed.’ David said ‘Clearly you need someone to tell you that you aren’t functional yet.’ 

David picked up both cups of tea and walked towards the bedroom. Patrick followed, he noticed a bit slowly and stiffly and hauled himself onto the bed. He stayed sitting up and David hovered. 

‘Do you want to…’ Patrick said. ‘I mean if you’ve got things to do, I …’ 

David realised what he was asking but having trouble asking. He was realising Patrick still struggled asking for what he needed. If it wasn’t something he could take charge of, be in control of, he struggled. This must be hell for him. 

‘Nothing I’d rather be doing.’ David said climbing onto the bed next to him. He lay on his side a little distance away from where Patrick was still sitting upright ‘How do you want to…’

Patrick considered a second and blinked slowly. David could see everything was still taking him longer to process. Whether it was the drugs or the migraine he wasn’t yet sure. He turned slowly on his side and scooted a bit closer to David who took that as an invitation to roll into him and spoon him, wrapping himself as tight as he dared, mindful Patrick might not be able to tolerate his usual over-enthusiasm. ‘This ok?’ he muttered into Patrick’s ear. 

‘Mmm’ Patrick replied. A pause while he considered, ‘It’s silly but could you…’

Instinctively David squeezed tighter, wrapping himself closer. The pressure of him on Patrick’s body felt good. ‘Thank you.’ he said. 

‘Mmm’ David muttered. 

Patrick was tense he could feel, he couldn’t quite bring himself to relax. All he wanted to do was melt into David, feel safe in his arms and maybe- not maybe definitely- get some sleep that way. But he couldn’t. The ever present fear of the pain returning. On edge at every twinge meaning it was levelling up again. It did that sometimes. Tricked you into thinking it was going away and then returned, twice as strong, knocking more hours out of your day. The worst of the migraine meds had worn off now and done their job. He didn’t think he needed to take more. But that meant the painkillers were wearing off as well. He breathed deeply. He could get through it. It was getting better. It would continue to ease off. He knew that. It always did this, tricked you into thinking it was never going to end. It always did he reminded himself. 

But there was something else nagging at him. He didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to feel ungrateful. He wasn’t, at all. But he was on edge because David was there. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Not Rachel, not his Mom. He’d always just shut himself away until he was better. Normally he felt like a caged animal, working through the pain alone. David had seen it all today. And he didn’t know how he felt about it. He was thinking about everything he’d just told him, creeping at the edges was a fear he’d said too much.

He shifted again in the bed. Annoyed at himself now. Annoyed at his head ruining what should have been a relaxing end to a ridiculous week. He’d had such plans for today- finally getting time alone with David had not looked like this. He’d wanted to talk, really talk about everything that had happened with his parents here. It had been fine- more than fine- in the end. But it was also messy, and his head had been spinning all week with things he needed to say when they finally got some time alone. And after all that he’d just wanted an afternoon alone with his boyfriend. He’d wanted to watch TV and read, and cook and just be together uninterrupted by life for a day. And no instead his head was just spinning 

He heard himself huff in frustration again, as he once again tried to find an angle that worked. 

‘Hey.’ David muttered at him. ‘You ok?’

‘Hmm’ Patrick replied ‘just can’t get comfortable.’

‘Do you want to move.’

‘Sorry.’ Patrick said. He felt David softly kiss his shoulder before detangling himself. 

Patrick shifted uncomfortably on the bed. He just couldn’t angle his head right- too far left or right it felt like pools of hot fluid were pooling wherever he angled it. On his back the base of his neck burned. And whichever way he looked his forehead burned. He rubbed at his forehead first trying to loosen the skin there, do anything to relieve the pressure. None of it was as all consuming now but it still hurt. He tried putting pressure on the base of his neck, pushing at the knots of muscle with his fingers. He flopped his head back in frustration. Feeling David’s eyes on him. 

‘Do you want more painkillers?’ David wasn’t pushing. He would insist at bedtime but right now Patrick needed to decide what his body needed. Patrick shook his head at the ceiling. ‘No it’s just..uncomfortable.’ he sighed in frustration rubbing at his face with his hands then flopping them down to his sides. He closed his eyes, willing the pressure to subside a bit, just so he could lie there for a bit with David. Just so he could stop thinking about it for a minute. Just so David would stop staring at him like he might break. 

David bit his lip debating. This was obviously all difficult for Patrick to share with him. He got that probably nobody had been allowed to see him like this. But he could help. If he let him. 

‘Can I try something?’ he asked. ‘We can stop if it doesn’t help, Or it makes you uncomfortable.’ 

Patrick flicked his eyes open and turned fractionally towards him. David was looking at him all wide eyed and open. Desperate to help. And Patrick was desperate. He closed his eyes and nodded. 

‘Ok.’ David said sitting up properly. ‘Can you put your head in my lap? Like rest your shoulders on my legs, that should do it.’

After a bit of awkward shuffling, David was sat crossed legged with Patrick’s head and shoulders in his lap. Patrick kept his knees bent on the bed, some long forgotten yoga instructor he’d tried telling him that was helping blood flow or something. 

‘Ok’ David said gently, ‘Tell me any time this is too much or whatever’

Patrick felt his long fingers work their way down to the base of his neck. Pushing hard into the spots he’d tried to reach but couldn’t quite. The relief was instant. So much that he groaned aloud. He felt David’s hands spring back. ‘No, no, it’s good. It’s perfect’ he said opening his eyes and locking with David’s, reassuring him he was doing right. David nodded and returned to the task. It was perfect, he worked his fingers over the base of Patrick’s skull over and over. And up and down the top of his neck where he knew the muscles were so tight they were practically solid. He could feel everything there melting a bit. Mostly every time David touched the two bulbous bits at the base of his skull, it was like someone turned off the pain. Something right there stopped everything for seconds at a time and he leaned into it. The more David worked his fingers around there, the more he felt everything loosen and everything lessen. As if sensing when it was getting sore, David moved his fingers up into Patrick’s hair. Gentler now, he worked patterns through his hair and across his head. Less intense than before it was soothing, calming as much as it was lessening the tension in his head bit by bit. 

After a few minutes Patrick felt his fingers still and his hands move. He assumed he had finished, and began to formulate a thank you. He heard something click nearby and he could smell something familiar - lavender? 

‘It’s just some essential oils’ David said his voice barely above a whisper. He touched Patrick’s temple and he could feel the slight oily texture, but not unpleasantly, and smell the sweet lavender. It reminded him of the store, it felt almost like home to him now. David gently started to massage at his temples, putting just enough pressure to have the same release effect as on the back of his head. He felt more fingers branch out across his forehead, gently but firmly rubbing the skin back and fore, smoothing out the tension there. It was beautiful and caring, and in that moment he felt so much love from David. After a while at his forehead he felt David's fingers run down the side of his face and massage at the spot just at the top of his jawbone. The relief was unbelievable. And in the same instant Patrick felt tears wet on his face. 

He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t look at David. He just willed him to understand. 

David paused for a moment, on feeling Patrick’s tears on his fingers. Had he hurt him? Did he not like it? Patrick stayed with his eyes closed. And David took a gamble, and continued gently working the tension around his jawbone. He could feel how much tension there was here and he kept working. He’d know if he needed to stop. After a minute or two there he moved back up slowly pausing this time either side of Patrick’s eyes to rub a little there, trying to ease him further. He used his thumbs to reach in and brush away some tears as he did. And that set something off and bigger, heavier tears escaped Patrick’s still closed eyes.

‘You’re ok.’ he reassured him in a whisper, ‘I got you.’ he paused for a second, Patrick didn’t move, so he gently carried on, rubbing gently at the corners of his eyes, down to his jawbone again. There was a steady flow of tears but he didn’t seem in distress or try to move, so David took it as a sign to carry on. He had faith in what he was doing, that it would help, so he gently worked his way back up, back to his eyes, over his forehead again, and back through his hair to finish. He did one more lap of Patrick’s head, working his fingers softer this time. ‘Ok, come here.’ he said uncoiling his legs and pulling Patrick towards him as he lay down. ‘I got you.’ 

Patrick was already wiping at his eyes as David pulled him to him. He couldn’t explain it, he had been fine. It was more than fine. And then he wasn’t. He felt David’s hands rubbing up and down his back in their familiar reassuring pattern. 

‘It’s ok.’ he said, ‘It’s a physiological response to pain and stimulus and release.’ David murmured ‘Happens in yoga classes sometimes. Inversion practice is a bitch for it. Also a similar thing to the hormones that make people cry after sex. And we’ve all seen me do that’ He was trying to make light of it as he pulled Patrick a bit closer ‘Or sometimes massages. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to cry on a hot Sweedish Masseuse in actual Sweden' He felt Patrick chuckle into him. David ran a hand up and down Patick’s back again. He didn’t want to push but, ‘But also, what you just let me do’ he continued, he was whispering now, close to Patrick’s ear, ‘What you let me do, in another way it’s really intimate, it means you have to let your guard right down.’ he kissed the top of Patrick’s head ‘And not just for this.’ he paused ‘You’ve had to do that a lot this week.’ he pulled him a bit closer, ‘So it’s ok. I promise it’s ok.’ 

Patrick felt the door in his brain shut down. And he hated himself at that moment. That’s what he’d always thought of it as, the door that came down whenever he came close to really losing control. Or letting himself think about the thing he should think about but couldn’t. Control, always control. He could feel it when David held him. When he touched his face so gently, so full of love. When he’d helped him in a way nobody had tried to. He’d started unravelling. Losing that bit of control by giving it over to David, and letting him in like that. And right now he felt like if he started he wouldn’t stop. And he didn’t quite have that in him either right now. He was exhausted. David was right, even as he lay there trying to block it out, to stay in control he knew; this week had unravelled him and he was so close to either losing control or being beaten by it. So he shut that door. He was too exhausted right now to fall apart. He took a deep breath into David’s chest and steadied himself. Pulling back he wiped at his eyes. 

‘I’m ok.’ he said. ‘That was, good. Thank you. It helped.’ He sounded awkward. David frowned at him slightly but didn’t say anything. Instead he reached over and wiped at Patrick’s tear stained cheeks and nodded. 

‘How about I make us some more tea?’ he asked. Patrick nodded, looking down as he extracted himself from David and shuffled upwards to the pillows. 

David understood, he’d felt it even, the moment Patrick’s brain kicked in and said ‘not now’. He’d done it himself often enough. He’d realised, watching Patrick this week just how long he’d been doing that without probably realising himself. He didn’t want to unravel him if he wasn’t ready for it. So he’d just hold on. He hadn’t realised what he was capable of until this week. The old him would have at best made a drama, at worst- and more likely fucked it up. He’d been ready to be angry the day of the party, to argue even. But the moment he saw Patrick’s pain his brain had switched gear before he even realised it, he just wanted to make it ok for him. Whatever that took. However long it took. 

He was about to get up when he felt Patrick’s hand on his arm. Pulling him back. He looked over and Patrick tilted his chin slightly. David took the signal and leaned in for a kiss. As their lips touched he realised they hadn’t really kissed today. And he sensed Patrick realised it too as he leaned into it. It was gentle and soft, but also he felt something more from Patrick, a yearning, an apology, a whole mess of emotions. It made his chest ache that he knew his kisses that well by now to read so much into them. David gently put a hand to his cheek, and rested his forehead against his as they pulled back. 

‘I love you’ he said softly. Feeling like they both needed to hear that. 

‘Love you too.’ Patrick said kissing him gently once more. 

‘Tea.’ David said with a half smile. 

When he got back with tea- traditional black tea with milk, Patrick’s tea of choice that somehow David had adopted- albeit with three sugars on his part. After their usual dance of Patrick ending up with the wrong mug and taking a sip, making a disgusted face at the sugar and giving it to David, they settled in on the bed. He’d brought both the ice and heat pack with him and Patrick had draped the heat pack over the back of his neck and attempted to make some kind of prop out of it on the pillow. David made a note that was what seemed to be bothering him most pain-wise, then settled down himself. 

David picked up his book again. For a while Patrick seemed to doze on the pillow next to him, his arm looped across David’s stomach. But eventually after a bit more fidgeting, picked up his own book from the nightstand. 

David watched in mild amusement as Patrick tried and failed to concentrate on his book. It wasn’t funny, he was clearly still in pain. But his stubborn determination not to be was endearing. He kept shifting position, as if that would help. He watched him turn a page, then turn it back three times. David suddenly had an idea. He got up, kissing Patrick’s temple as he did. ‘Back in a sec’ he went to the bathroom while he was up and on the way back picked up Patrick’s phone from the table, and fished out the headphones he knew were in his coat pocket by the door. 

He got back onto the bed and took the book off Patrick. 

‘Hey!’ he said indignant. 

‘You aren’t reading it. I’ve read the same line over your shoulder 20 times.’ 

Patrick pouted. ‘I need to do something.’ he said. 

David nodded. ‘You can’t read, you can’t watch TV. You know that.’ Patrick scowled. ‘And you don’t want me to talk at you for the next three hours.Though I will if you don’t corporate.’ he made a face, ‘So, you’re going to listen to something.’ He waved the phone, plugging the headphones in and handing them to Patrick, keeping the phone in his hand and unlocking it. The home screen was a scenic view, he assumed somewhere nearby, it was nice. He busied himself opening Spotify. 

‘That’s my phone.’ Patrick protested. 

‘Yeah, I need your Spotify, mine would not be to your tastes’ 

‘You know the passcode?’

‘It’s my Birthday and our anniversary. You’re very predictable.’ He kissed his cheek again. 

‘You’re a pest David Rose’ he smiled. ‘I love you.’

‘I know’ David said. 

‘Alright Han Solo’ Patrick said with a smirk glad for a bit of normal back and forth with David. Right on cue;

‘Who?’

‘Han Solo? Star Wars? The greatest ‘I love you’ in history.’ Patrick knew that would push David’s buttons. 

‘Firstly, the greatest I love you in Movie History starts with ‘I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy’ Secondly I don’t know who Hands Solo is.’

‘Star Wars David.’ he shrugged with his eyebrows, and infuriating and endearing skill. ‘Princess Leia? Chewbaca? Tell me you’ve seen Star Wars David?’

‘I guess that passed me by.’ a beat while he scrolled on Patrick’s phone ‘My Mother was in an incredibly bad film called ‘Star Killer Rabbits’ though. That was an experience.’

Patrick chuckled. ‘We are adding Star Wars to the list then. All of them.’ a beat ‘And that film of your Mother’s.’ 

‘All?’ David’s eyebrows were as indignant as he was. 

‘Oh yes. There’s nine.’

‘Nine? How is that necessary in life.’ 

‘You’ve made me watch Notting Hill at least that many times.’

David pouted. ‘Put the headphones in.’ 

David scrolled a bit, searching playlists, before hitting play. Patrick smiled up at him as the music kicked in, and leaned back against him. He had of course picked the perfect album for him to relax to. He knew Patrick had maybe two or three albums he went back to when he needed comfort and he’d of course known exactly where to go. He closed his eyes and let the music seep into his brain a bit, feeling a bit of everything melting away. David picked up his own book and started reading. For the rest of the afternoon, any time Patrick started to fidget David would take his phone and find a new playlist or short podcast and occupy his brain into slowing down and keeping him still. It was a trick he’d used for years for insomnia. It didn’t necessarily make him sleep, but it kept him still enough to not make life worse for himself. 

A few hours later Patrick smiled when David confiscated his phone again and muttered ‘No more murder podcasts’ and instead had switched it to a fashion one...and taken the other earbud to listen too. He didn’t mind, he was half listening to all of it. 

Ordinarily, once he got to ‘Phase 3’ he’d force himself up and back to doing things. He always felt guilty about wasting more time than needed or judged for it sometimes too. So as soon as he could physically haul himself upright he would. Of course, that meant ‘Phase 3’ inevitably lasted longer, with the possibility of sliding back into ‘Phase 2’ or that Phases four and five would also be longer. 

Instead, David’s idea worked. He was distracted, occupied, but comfortable. And it didn’t hurt that he had someone there with him to curl up with. They’d shifted comfortably between being entwined or curled up with each other to lying next to each other, just close enough. David had refilled their tea regularly, and also brought the packet of cookies that Stevie had brought with her to the bed. Patrick reached an arm lazily over David as they listened to the end of this podcast. He was feeling more human again now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this could have been a simple bit of David looking after a sick Patrick, it felt like there was a lot more bubbling under the surface...so I let it bubble. 
> 
> 'Meet the Parents' did a hell of a number on me, so my Patrick tends to get some of the same...
> 
> All the tricks David and Patrick use to help the migraine are from my box of tricks. For listening material, I do recommend Noah Reid's albums as suitably soothing listening...the man really does have a voice like butter.


	4. Phase 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick feels better physically...but sometimes your body is warning you of something bigger going on.

The podcast ended, talking about some kind of curtains Patrick still didn’t understand and David gave Patrick a gentle poke. ‘You think you can eat something?’ he asked. 

‘Hmm.’ he said pulling the earbud out and pulling himself upright. He blinked a few times, his head was clearer for sure. Phase four then. It felt like waking up. After so long with a huge fog over his brain it felt odd. But he could move, he could think clearly. And he could definitely eat. ‘Yeah for sure.’ he said ‘You wanna order a pizza?’ he rubbed at his hair trying to wake up a bit more. 

David smiled at him with a weirdly dopey smile. ‘I’m going to cook.’ he said. 

Patrick raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t that David couldn’t cook, he was, as with many things secretly quite good at it. He was just not inclined to cook. Patrick smiled. ‘Ok then, can I help?’

David shook his head. ‘You are going to take a hot shower. And put on your pajamas. I am going to cook.’

Patrick could have objected but frankly freshening up, and the power of a hot shower on his tight tense muscles sounded like the dream. As did whatever David was planning on cooking as he realised he was starving. He obeyed, grabbing fresh pajamas on his way to the shower. He was feeling pretty grubby and disgusting, and the hot water would do him good. 

He was right. Or more accurately, and annoyingly, David was right. The hot water did wonders for relaxing the tension in his tired muscles. He was already aching. He always forgot what a total body beating this did to him- being this tense subconsciously in the run up, then with pain for hours took a toll. Especially as he got older he grumbled to himself. When he was 25 he could bounce back and join Hockey training the next day. Now he knew he’d ache tomorrow. Curse being over 30 he thought with a smile. Though so far, his 30s were at least shaping up better than his 20s overall. Even if his body disagreed. 

He could feel the pain in his shoulders still as he let the water run over them. He stood with his head under the water for a while, just letting it run over him. He was starting to think clearer now. A low lying hum of pain still lingered, but he no longer felt like he was underwater. His thoughts came clearer now, he felt more like him again. Perhaps they could salvage the evening. He gave himself a few more moments of drowning out the day in the shower before turning it off. 

While the water ran David started cooking. A quick pasta dish that would only take about the time of Patrick’s shower. David enjoyed cooking. He enjoyed it when his Mother wasn’t there trying to ‘teach’ him even more. He’d learned from their Nanny as kids, and then kept up- in various stages of experimentation- when he lived alone. Something in the balance of methodical and experimental suited him. Not that there was much experimenting to be done for a chicken pasta dish with spinach. But still the chopping and methodical order of it was calming. As was the sound of the shower running in the background. 

Patrick seemed better. He hadn’t had much time to think about it but seeing him look so unwell earlier had rattled him. Now he knew what it was he could cope better. He had a set of plans in place. That’s how he’d always coped. Whenever his Mom had needed him. Though not exactly the same the practicalities were similar. You needed an arsenal of effective treatments, and a way to make them feel better. And make them feel safe. He was good at it. He could do this, any time this happened again. He would be interrogating Patrick on exactly what those specialists had said though. Just to quiet the nagging in his mind that something worse was happening. 

Stress triggered it, he'd said. Which would seem right for this week. He’d hoped they were going to talk today, but he sensed that was going to wait. It was ok, it was all ok. But it had been a lot. For both of them. Patrick’s body totally giving out at the end of it was a sign it wasn’t quite all ok for him either. And there were other things. They way he’d started to cry but shut down. He was holding onto a lot. He’d been there. He understood. He also understood that at some point you had to face up to it. He could wait for that too. 

The door to the bathroom clicked open and Patrick emerged. His hair was damp and messy, and it was a little longer than usual at the minute which meant the slight curl in it was showing. He’d put on fresh pajamas and the faded blue checked bottoms were clashing with the bright red of his College sweater. Which was obnoxiously red and clashed with everything else Patrick owned in shades of blue and white. But he knew it was his favourite. He was holding onto David’s sweater. 

‘Here.’ he said ‘Thought you’d want it back. Go and get changed.’ 

‘I’m cooking.’ David said, giving the pan a poke. 

‘I can watch water boil for you.’ Patrick said wrapping his arms around David’s waist from behind and resting his head on his back for a second. ‘Get changed. You can’t eat carbs in tight jeans.’ he felt David laugh ‘As much as I love the tight jeans.’ he added, giving him a squeeze. 

He detangled himself so David could move. Which he did, pausing to take Patrick’s face in both of his hands and kiss him gently. ‘You look better,’ he said. Patrick smiled a soft smile at him before turning his attention to the pans. Diligently poking at the simmering sauce and watching the pasta while David softly crashed about behind him getting changed. A minute or two later he felt David approach and sure enough long arms wrapped around him, across his shoulders and around his chest, his chin coming to rest on his shoulder, clearly scrutinising his supervision of the food. ‘Didn’t burn it while I was gone then.’ he said deftly kissing Patrick’s cheek before detangling himself and bumping Patrick out of the way with a slide of his hips.

‘I did successfully feed myself for many years before you came along.’ Patrick said leaning against the countertop, ‘And frequently feed both of us when you’re too lazy.’ 

David smirked and held out a spoonful of sauce, ‘Is this too spicy?’ he asked. Patrick moved to take the spoon off him and he shook his head, feeding it to him instead. Patrick grinned, then swallowed, ‘Perfect.’ he said, tasting the hint of chilli coming through. David grinned a satisfied and proud grin. ‘Then it’s ready.’ he said. ‘Grab the plates.’ 

‘It’s good. Thanks.’ Patrick said between mouthfuls. He really was starving. Sometimes it took a while for his appetite to come back, sometimes he was ravenous within hours. He was already thinking about finishing Stevie’s cookies from earlier when they were done. But David’s simple chicken and pasta with chilli tomato sauce was delicious, and he felt like he hadn’t eaten in days. 

‘It’s vitamin B and Green vegetables. Both of which are good for migraines.’ David shrugged. ‘And the pasta because, carbs.’

Patrick smiled. He was putting together that David had spent some time googling while he’d been not quite with it. David caught him smiling and made a face. 

‘What?’ he asked. 

‘Nothing.’ Patrick said smiling ‘It’s good pasta’ 

David nodded satisfied and went back to eating. 

They’d cleared away dinner and were settling in for the evening. Patrick was just coming back to the sofa with the bottle of wine and the cookies to sit down when he caught David sniffing at the sleeves of his jumper. He saw him looking and looked sheepish. 

‘It smells like you now.’ he said. 

‘We can wash it tomorrow’ Patrick said sitting down at the other end of the sofa, knowing how fussy David was with smells, and clothes and, well everything. 

He looked hurt. ‘No, I like it.’ he said sniffing at the sleeve again. 

‘You know I’m here right.’ Patrick smiled ‘If you want to sniff me.’ he immediately frowned, that was a ridiculous thing to say. 

‘Well not all the way down there I can’t.’ David said, slightly petulant. 

Patrick smirked, ‘Why should I come to you? If you want to do the sniffing?’ he couldn’t hold out though and dutifully scooted closer to David on the sofa. He poured the wine while David did indeed lean in and sniff him, planting a kiss on his neck as he did so. ‘You’re like a dog.’ Patrick laughed, handing him the wine.

David frowned momentarily, ‘Should you be drinking? I mean don’t worry about the drugs, there’s a lot more you can drink with a cocktail of painkillers before you do any damage.’ he said dryly. ‘But won’t they make it worse?’

Patrick’s face grew serious. ‘You’ll tell me about it all one day right?’ he held David’s gaze deliberately. That day wasn’t today he knew, but he wanted to help. Share some of that burden. Understand where his boyfriend came from a little more. 

David nodded. Then blinked and looked away. Patrick already knew far more than anyone else. One day, one day he’d know it all. 

Patrick nodded and turned his attention back to the wine. ‘Red wine. I know some people say it’s a trigger but it also helps right some of the...imbalance? I read somewhere that it’s like caffeine. It's a trigger because your body is also craving it or something. Anyway it helps, afterwards. By Phase 4. Which is fully functional, just feeling like hell.’

David nodded. ‘Can you’ he gestured to the TV. Patrick nodded. At this point he just felt...rough, frankly. But nothing a good night’s sleep wouldn’t eventually help with. David turned on the TV and pulled up the David Attenborugh documentary they’d been working through. Strangely documentaries of all kinds were one thing they could agree on viewing-wise. And both of them had a love of nature shows. Also Blue Planet was suitably low-level in terms of the need to concentrate. David hit play and let Attenborough’s soothing voice fill the room a bit. Patrick filled the wine glasses up, and settled back into the sofa. He was nearby but they weren’t touching, Patrick resting his glass on his leg and staring, but David could tell not concentrating on the TV. 

‘I used to hate red wine actually.’ he said eventually. ‘But I learned to love it. Or I don’t know, maybe I thought I did and hadn’t given it a chance. But it turns out it puts this thing ‘right’ in me too’ he paused and smiled into his wine glass. That thought had only just occurred to him. He stopped talking starting into it. ‘I guess that’s true of a lot of things.’ he looked up at David. 

‘I take it you and Stevie have talked at some point then’ he said with a raised eyebrow. 

‘Oh me and Stevie talk about a LOT of things.’ Patrick said with a grin, patting David’s leg, ‘Think of all those hours we’ve been spending together.’ winding David up a tiny bit about the stories he and Stevie might share was highly entertaining. But he’d also valued the chance to get closer to someone so important to him. ‘But yes, we did. It’s a good theory, this wine theory.’ he stared into his glass for a long moment. ‘I don’t think I was ready to commit to my taste in wine. Or at least have everyone know my taste in wine had changed. Even though I knew it was all I wanted to drink.’ he bit his lip and paused. ‘Forever.’ he flicked his eyes over to David who was watching him intently. 

David nodded slowly. What did ‘forever’ mean? Should he be focused on that now, probably not. This was about everything that had happened this week. ‘You don’t have to tell everyone about your taste in wine.’ David said sitting up a bit straighter as he thought, ‘I think, maybe you should tell the people around you so that they know what wine you’re drinking now. And so they don’t accidentally offer you the wrong wine. Or tell your parents to buy the wrong wine. Like my idiot Dad.’

‘He’s not an idiot.’ David huffed a bit, ‘And I’m really sorry about that. I’m gonna talk to him next week.’ he felt David’s hand on his back, a silent thank you- Patrick had felt terrible since he learned Johnny both ended up in the middle of his mess, and had tried to put it right on his behalf. He went back to staring into his wine. Thinking for a moment. ‘I should have told..people what wine I was drinking now sooner.’ he said slowly ‘I see that now.’ he paused, drinking his wine ‘I just wasn't’ sure I had the ...words to describe the wine. I didn’t know anything about...labels I guess.’ 

David nodded. ‘You don’t have to pick a wine.’ he added, ‘Or put a label on it, or whatever this fucking metaphor is- I made it up in the grocery store. Actually I made it up at our store before it was ours. If you know want to extend the metaphor, or simile or whatever the hell it is by now. An allegory? I don’t know’ Patrick smiled at him, David Rose in full flow would alway make him smile. David finally took a breath. ‘Anyway, I don’t care what wine you thought you wanted to drink, or what you used to drink. I just care that you’re happy with what you’re drinking now.’

Patrick looked at his glass and took a sip ‘I’d say it’s pretty good wine.’ 

David rolled his eyes ‘Wow the amatuer dramatics really has taken hold. Do you want to tell me through song as well?’

‘Already did that one David.’ Patrick said with a smirk. He’d expected David to retaliate with another witty comment, about terrible Open-Mic nights, but his face crumpled into that half-smile-half-cry thing he did. 

‘You did.’ he said, ‘and it was one of the best nights of my life.’ he looked upwards trying to stop the tears. ‘Fuck.’ he said. ‘Sorry.’ 

Patrick put his wine down, leaned over to David and kissed him. Bringing him back to earth a bit. ‘Mine too.’ he said, wiping at David’s face. ‘What’s this about?’ 

David shrugged. ‘I’m sorry.’ he said. ‘This isn’t about me. This is about you.’

‘It’s about both of us.’ Patrick said. ‘That’s how this works.’

David bit his lip. ‘It’s just been one hell of a week is all.’ he shrugged. 

Patrick nodded slowly. It really had. ‘I couldn’t have done it without you.’ he said tilting David’s chin towards him. He nodded, biting his lip and clearly trying not to cry. ‘I’m sorry I ruined our Sunday.’ Patrick added. ‘I just wanted some time with you alone. I had plans of curling up in bed together, making dinner and curling up on the sofa again’

David did that thing where he tried not to smile but did anyway. ‘I think we did that.’ 

Patrick gave him a half smile, and kissed him ‘I guess we did.’ he smiled, ‘I’d you know, just liked to have been conscious for more of it.’ 

‘But you’re adorable when you sleep.’

‘Not at all creepy David.’

‘And when you vomit.’ 

‘Lovely.’ Patrick leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He was really exhausted. 

David looked over at Patrick, who looked tired, but better. There was colour in his cheeks- as much as he ever had colour in his cheeks, and his teasing was a good sign. Still he looked tired. 

‘Maybe your body was trying to tell you something- tell us something.’ David said, pulling him down into him until Patrick was settled against his chest, their arms wrapped around each other. 

‘Maybe’ Patrick said into his sweater, letting his eyes settle on the sharks gently swimming on the screen now. He felt David’s hand work its way up to his hair and his fingers gently working their way, massaging softly, soothing him. He smiled. 

‘I’d drink this wine forever too.’ David said after a moment. His chest felt tight as he said it, and he felt Patrick bury himself a little deeper into him for a second. 

They watched a couple of episodes in relative silence, commenting on the show, David making the odd joke about ‘large sea snakes’, shifting to refill the wine or take a cookie or the remains of the tortilla chips. Patrick really had been hungry, and David could always eat. Halfway through the third episode David felt Patrick shifting against him more and more. 

‘You ok?’ he muttered into his hair. 

‘My neck.’ he said, ‘Sorry.’ he sat up, moving his head back and forth, the tension was still there and lying on his side had given it an uncomfortable stiffness. Before he could think David’s hands were on his neck rubbing his thumbs in gently. Working slowly down to his shoulders, kneading his long fingers in. Patrick gave a slight grunt of appreciation. 

He worked his thumbs up and down Patrick’s neck, he could feel the tight muscles there. He went down under the collar of his sweater, working in small circles on the tense muscles of his neck. After a few moments, and with Patrick giving him a soft groan of encouragement and leaning back into his hands, he reached down for the bottom of Patrick’s sweater. Pulling it up over his head he noticed Patrick wince a bit as he moved his hands over his head. He resumed the pressure on his shoulders. 

‘This ok?’

‘Yeah. very much so.’ 

David continued, working his way across Patrick’s shoulders where the muscles were rock hard with tension. He worked into the tight knots, and round into his shoulder blades and up to his neck again. As he worked across his shoulders for the third time he finally felt something give and Patrick’s shoulders dropped a little, some of the tension of the day of the week, finally melting away. David leaned in and kissed him gently on the back of the neck, smiling into the involuntary shudder it created. 

‘Sorry.’ he whispered. 

‘Don’t be.’ Patrick replied. And David was sure he could hear something else in his voice. He decided to experiment and see, still working his fingers in he kissed him again a little higher on the neck. A low hum escaped Patrick’s throat. So he tried again, leaving a small trail of kisses this time. ‘Hmm’ Patrick managed. David still working his fingers into Patrick’s shoulders scooted a fraction closer and kissed Patrick just behind his ear. ‘Jesus Christ David.’ Patrick muttered. 

‘Is this helping?’ he asked, moving his lips to the collar of Patrick’s t-shirt now.

‘Depends what you mean by helping David. It’s certainly distracting.’ 

David smiled, kissing his neck one more time. ‘You know what is good for relieving tension?’ he said, his voice low next to Patrick’s ear. He snaked his arms around him pulling him backwards and sideways into an awkward but ultimately passionate kiss. They eventually pulled apart and David pulled back enough to check in with Patrick who nodded. He pulled them both to their feet and they stumbled quickly into the bedroom. 

David pushed Patrick gently down onto the bed and stood in front of him. He reached down and with a hand on the back of his head pulled him into a kiss. ‘You trust me?’ he said when they pulled apart. Patrick frowned, but nodded. David kissed him again. ‘Then trust me.’ he said. 

He had an instinct, and he hoped he was right. And Patrick seemed willing. He reached down and pulled Patrick’s shirt over his head. Taking a moment to make sure Patrick knew he was admiring him, taking all of him in. ‘Lie down.’ he said ‘On your front, I’m going to finish what I started’ 

Patrick to his credit didn’t argue, didn’t question what he was trying to do, and lay down on the bed. David reached over to his side of the bed and retrieved a massage oil he’d also got Stevie to fetch from the shop- and silently thanked her for not making a fuss about that. He resumed rubbing Patrick’s tight shoulders, working the muscles to a slightly more relaxed state. Gradually he worked his way across his back, paying particular attention every time he got to the spot at the small of his back that he already knew from experience made him moan with pleasure and buckle slightly into the bed. He worked steadily, although they both knew where this massage was heading, he wasn’t pushing, wasn’t hurrying things. He was just letting Patrick feel his hands on him. Eventually feel the weight of him leaning on him, running his hands over his body. Bit by bit he felt him relax under his hands. He kept going after that, slowly slipping his hands lower on his back, further around his sides. He felt the slight hitch in his breath when his hands slipped lower and lower, when they strayed from his back, around his chest. 

When David flipped him over and pulled him quickly to him, kissing him passionately, Patrick understood what he was doing. After the massage, he was abrupt, passionate, and just forceful enough. Finding himself held up, David between his legs, pulling him tightly in for another kiss, with his hands in his hair, pulling just a tiny bit, Patrick pulled back to lock eyes with David. He held his gaze for a second and nodded, fractionally. I know what you’re doing and I trust you. David nodded back and kissed him deeply. 

Given the clear ok, David moved forward with purpose. He kissed Patrick with passion, pulling him close and working his hands across as much of his body as he could. He pulled at his own sweater and t-shirt, pulling them off and pushing them both down onto the bed. He rolled himself on top of Patrick, and spent a long time kissing, while working his hands across Patrick’s body in ways he’d learned to hit all the right buttons. He turned it up a level, pulling off first Patrick’s pajamas and his underwear, then his own. All the while keeping Patrick under him, steering him slightly when he looked up as if asking for direction. David couldn’t help but pause and smile, remembering all the early days when he’d guided Patrick in a similar way. Patrick caught him and smiled back. David kissed him again deeply, passionately. 

A week of pent up tension meant this probably wasn’t going to take long. But David was doing his best. He pulled them close, with slow, constant skin to skin contact. Slow movements and long kisses. He could feel Patrick’s tension building, and he spun it out best he could. Taking him in his hand, then his mouth slowly, deliberately, pausing to kiss again and again. Or just to run his hands over his body, before resuming work again. He felt the tension building and building- it was like their first time all over again, intense and focused and driven by so much more than that moment. 

‘Ready?’ David asked already slightly out of breath. 

Patrick nodded and kissed him.

David nodded back. He felt something shift himself, it was short and intense, both of them clinging onto the other, while the heat between them built and built. He could hear Patrick muttering slightly incoherently with his eyes closed, and David knew they were both close.’Patrick.’ he whispered ‘Look at me’, pulling back a bit so he could lock eyes with him. He nodded slightly and kept going. He saw it a fraction of a second before they both came, shaking and out of breath, virtually together. 

It felt like something cracked. He’d heard David saying his name, and then he was looking at him. Feeling like he could see inside him. And then he felt something crack inside him. Then they were both shaking and out of breath. And he was lying next to David while they both recovered. He felt like he’d been stripped raw, he was still shaking a little and he couldn’t figure out whether it was from the orgasm or something else. David kissed him gently and detangled himself. Getting up and moving to the bathroom. Patrick took a moment to curl into himself a bit and steady himself. David returned, he’d pulled on a t shirt and some boxers and lay down again kissing him. Taking the washcloth he’d retrieved he cleaned Patrick up, all the while holding his gaze. It was so gentle, so caring and more intimate a thing than Patrick had ever experienced. He let out a long breath as David gently finished up and kissed him. 

He was struck by an overwhelming need to cover up. He felt too exposed like this. He pulled himself upwards and scrambled for his boxers, pulling them on. His head swam a bit and he steadied himself searching for his t-shirt. He knew David was watching his every move. His t-shirt was the wrong way and tangled, and he got stuck halfway, and panicked, his chest constricting trying to free himself. Before he knew it David was there, easing him into it like he was a child, his hands pulling the soft material over him. 

And then he broke. 

David was ready for it. He could see the moment coming and the second Patrick doubled over with a sob he caught him-quite literally caught him as he tipped forward on the edge of the bed, and pulled him back, just enough to steady him. ‘I’m here’ he said into Patrick’s back ‘I’m here.’ 

He’d never cried like it. Not ever. It felt like it came from a place so deep inside him that it hurt to get out. He felt his whole body convulse with sobs, and he couldn’t feel anything except whatever deep pain or sadness or whatever it was was making it happen. And he couldn’t stop it. Even if he’d tried, which he had no fight in him to do, it just kept coming, wave after wave. When people described sobbing, or when people did it on films, Patrick always assumed there was some kind of ‘show’ to it, you had to want to cry like that. There was nothing he wanted less than to cry like this. He felt David’s arms around him, clinging on. He wasn’t trying to stop him, calm him even, he was just there, going through it with him. With that one conscious thought sent him into another wave of sobs. 

David clung on. Knowing he just had to sit it out. He could soothe Patrick once this had passed, they could talk later. Right now his only job was to hold on, and go through it with him. To let him go through what he’d desperately needed to. He needed to let him fall apart. He’d watched him all week keep it together, even when he’d gotten overwhelmed and cried. He held it together, because that’s what Patrick did. But after years of holding on to all this, he needed to fall apart a bit too. David could feel all that pain spilling out of him. He recognised it. So he held on a bit tighter. 

His body was exhausted. He felt his ribs ache, and his lungs struggled to take in air. But something was subsiding now. He took a long steadying breath and felt a bit of the world swim into focus again. He felt David shift with him, running a hand up his back. Patrick leaned back into him a bit. 

‘Hey’ David muttered into his hair. ‘It’s ok.’

Patrick let another shuddering breath out. He was still crying, but he could breathe a bit easier now, his whole body wasn’t convulsing now. He reached a hand up to where David was, clinging onto his shoulders and squeezed, letting him know he was...conscious now, he guessed. That had felt like being somewhere else. 

‘Do you want to lie down?’ David said into his hair. 

‘Hmm’ Patrick managed. He felt David let him go just enough to move, and immediately felt the loss of him. He was there again within seconds, pulling him down on top of him, arms wrapped around him tight. Patrick was glad he didn’t have to look at him yet, he couldn’t face it. He buried his head in David’s chest. The second the smell of him hit him, he started crying again. 

‘I’m sorry.’ he managed into David’s t-shirt. 

‘Don’t. Don’t be.’ David held on tighter again, as if he could literally hug it right. He let Patrick cry into his T-shirt and held on. ‘Don’t be sorry.’ he said again, feeling tears in his own eyes. He knew Patrick needed this but it didn’t make it any easier to watch. 

He cried for a long time. It came in waves, he’d find himself sobbing again and David’s arms would wind around him tighter. Then it would subside, and he’d know he was still softly crying, but think he was regaining control. Then from nowhere it would come back. And David would be there, softly muttering into his hair and holding on to him. It was everything and nothing. If he could have engaged his rational brain he would say it was a culmination of stress, and pain and the emotional upheaval of this week. But really it was more, it was a lifetime of confusion, and sadness he’d kept to himself. And the overwhelming love. Mixed up in all of it were also tears of joy, of happiness and gratitude. 

Eventually, David felt Patrick settle. His breathing evened out and after long minutes he was pretty sure another wave of sobs wasn’t going to consume him. He let himself exhale a bit. He waited a bit longer, just to be sure, then planted a kiss in Patrick’s hair. 

‘Hey.’ he said running his hand up and down his back ‘You ok?’

He felt Patrick nod into his chest. But he didn’t move. David wound his arms around him again. ‘Good.’ he muttered. ‘It’s ok you know. It’s really ok. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.’

He felt Patrick’s chest hitch again in a small sob. But it didn’t amount to anything more. Slowly he uncurled himself enough to look up at him. ‘Hi’ David smiled. Patrick’s face was red and blotchy, his eyes bright red. David reached over and touched his cheek, giving him a half smile. Patrick smiled back weakly, and pulled himself up off David’s chest, he sat up rubbing his face then pulling his knees up towards him. David sat up next to him. Giving him a bit of space. 

‘I, uh I don’t know what…’ he shrugged, ‘I’m sorry.’

David shook his head. ‘No.’ he said a little too harshly, then softened ‘No. You don’t ever need to be sorry.’ he looped an arm around Patrick’s and rested his head on his shoulder. Patrick instinctively leaned over and kissed his head. ‘You get to fall apart with me.’ he felt Patrick take a deep steadying breath. ‘Come on.’ he said ‘You need to take some more pills and go to sleep.’

‘More David Rose medical advice?’ Patrick leaned into him slightly. 

‘I would have made a brilliant nurse.’ 

Patrick chuckled. He let David be nurse; giving him water and pills, refilling the water before settling in on the pillow next to him. He reached out and looped his arm over Patrick’s hip, but kept enough distance so they could look at each other. Patrick couldn’t tell if it was the pills taking effect, or just exhaustion catching up with him, but he could feel his eyes closing already. He forced them open to find David’s in the semi-darkness. 

‘Nobody has ever…’he didn’t know what exactly he was trying to say. Luckily David seemed to. 

‘I know.’ he said. 

‘I was scared.’ Patrick said ‘of so much.’ he could feel the pills kicking in now, and he suddenly wasn’t worried like earlier about their effects, ‘I didn’t realise how much. Or how, um, lonely I’d been?’

‘Hmm’ David said and Patrick sensed his recognition there. 

‘I think I’m still working some things out.’ Patrick admitted and felt David’s hand tighten on his hip, ‘But I don’t think I’m scared any more. I don’t think I’m lonely anymore.’

‘You don’t have to be anymore.’ David said, leaning over and kissing him. 

‘Hmm’ Patrick said, feeling the weight of the pills really kicking in. 

‘Come here.’ was the last thing he heard David say as he pulled him towards him, he felt his arms warm and safe around him before almost immediately falling asleep. 

David stayed awake holding Patrick until he was completely certain he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the last chapter, Patrick's journey here did a real number on me, and writing him breaking was one of the hardest things I've written in a while. But a healing hard thing.


	5. Phase 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Patrick's migraine, things are healing, things are falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More a little coda chapter, to end things on a happy note.

Patrick woke up at five. The trouble with being knocked out cold by a combination of painkillers and emotional exhaustion was sometimes it didn’t last nearly long enough. He lay staring at the ceiling for a while- he’d rolled away from David while they slept and he was on his side, facing away from him curled up and fast asleep. Eventually he hauled himself out of bed and went to the bathroom, stopping off on the way back to fill a glass with water, down it, refill it and pad back to bed. He slipped back under the covers and felt David stir slightly, but he didn’t move. Patrick lay close by, but not touching him, not wanting to wake up unnecessarily. He stared at the ceiling again. He was feeling ok, his head no longer felt full, which was a sign he was physically recovered. Still he felt battered. Partly the ungodly hour he reasoned, partly a day’s physical battering his body had taken. 

But if the migraine had a physical hangover, he was suffering an emotional one too. There was a kind of creeping exhaustion in his bones. He was utterly spent. And he didn’t know how he felt. Embarrassed in part, at his utter breakdown. Worried that David would, in the cold light of day would think of him. He was used to being the secure one in the relationship. He was supposed to be- he was the rational one. He was Mr Take Charge. He was also not the one who worried, two years in, that showing cracks in his armour was going to unravel them. That his falling apart was going to make them fall apart. 

Rationally he knew he was being ridiculous. But it was easy to be irrational at 5am, in the quiet with nobody else to argue with. After last night, after this week, David knew him more completely than anybody ever had. And that gave him a knot in his stomach. It wasn’t quite fear, wasn’t quite excitement, and it was something he sort of knew rationally but hadn’t put a name to yet.

5am was no time for trying to figure this out. He rolled onto his side and gently wrapped his arms around David. He stirred a bit again and leaned into the warmth of another body next to him but didn’t wake up. Patrick took the opportunity to hold on a little bit tighter as he drifted off to sleep again. 

David remembered feeling Patrick’s arms around him, but he didn’t properly wake. Just sensed him there and dropped back off to sleep. When he did finally wake properly they had rearranged themselves in sleep into a familiar position, David’s head on his chest. He loved that they had a way to sleep. He’d never had that with anyone. Patrick was fast asleep again, if he’d woken earlier, he’d clearly been exhausted enough to sleep again. David took the opportunity to enjoy a few minutes of quiet there, head on his chest, the rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat under his head reassuring and steady. He hoped Patrick was ok, he longed to tell him it was all ok. But he didn’t want to push. Yesterday, all of it had been a massive step in vulnerability. And he knew how that felt. They’d both gone through that particular barrier in different ways at different times. It felt like they’d reached the same page somehow. He lay there waiting for Patrick to wake up- not something he could usually say happened- but he had one important thing he needed for Patrick this morning. 

Eventually Patrick stirred slightly and David sensed he was waking up. He shifted pulling himself up in the bed, making sure to keep hold of Patrick, pulling him close. 

‘I love you’ he said as Patrick blinked his eyes open, kissing his cheek. David swallowed. ‘I wanted that to be the first thing you heard today.’

Patrick locked eyes with him and blinked slowly. Doing that thing where he looked like he was taking all of David in. He swallowed. Then smiled, looking like he couldn’t speak. David kissed his forehead. ‘Go back to sleep.’ he said. 

Patrick closed his eyes again. And felt David get out of bed. For all his own neurois, David somehow always knew the right thing when Patrick needed him. He couldn’t have said anything if he’d wanted to right then. But he felt like everything finally settled into place. 

He dozed to the sounds of David pottering about, showering, getting ready for the day. He heard a crash at one point that might have been one of his mugs meeting its end in the sink, but it was all a reassuring background noise while he lay half asleep. After a while he heard David’s footsteps again crossing the apartment to the bed. He opened his eyes to see David cup of tea in hand standing over him. 

‘Wow, tea in bed, that is service’ Patrick said sitting up. 

David tried to look offended but instead just looked pleased with himself. He sat down on the bed while Patrick took an appreciative sip of the tea. 

‘What time is it?’ he asked. 

‘Eight thirty.’ David answered. 

‘Damn.’ Patrick said, moving to get up. ‘Hold on I’ll get dressed.’

David put a hand on his legs stopping him. ‘Stay in bed I’ll open up. You can come in later.’

‘Oh, so David Rose hours. Nothing before noon.’

‘Nothing before 10 is my rule as you well know.’ this time he did look smug. 

Patrick reached for his sweater and pulled him in for a kiss ‘Nothing? You sure about that, because I'm sure I've seen you persuaded to do many things before 10.’ 

‘Someone’s feeling better.’ he said when he pulled back. He paused checking ‘Are you?’ 

Patrick pulled himself up in bed. Hauling himself upright was the only surefire way to check. After a beat he nodded. ‘Hmm.’ he said ‘Phase 5- hangover.’ David looked confused. ‘It takes at least a day for me to feel ‘normal’ again. Like the last day of a cold, or just a hangover.’ he shrugged. ‘Honestly I’m fine I can come in with you.’ 

David gently shoved him back down. ‘These offers of me up early are going to be few and far between. Take what you can get.’ 

Patrick sighed. Another hour or so in bed would help he knew. Rather than rushing about his day. David nodded satisfied as he watched him climb back under the covers ‘Happy now?’

‘Hmm.’ David said. ‘You can bring me lunch when you do drag yourself in.’

‘I knew there was a catch.’ Patrick smiled ‘Of course.’ 

‘Ok so sleep. I need you fully functional to help me understand your sale spreadsheet again later.’ he picked up his bag from the floor and leaned down for a kiss. Patrick leaned up to him. Just as David was spinning on his heel to leave he thought of mentioning, something...‘David.’ he called after him. ‘I um…’ whatever he’d planned to say caught in his throat. ‘Nothing. I’ll see you later.’ he said. David nodded and went. 

It felt weirdly empty without him. As any room tended to. But Patrick was suddenly struck by how exhausted he felt. He turned on his side and pulled the covers up. Within minutes he was asleep again. 

It was 10.30 when he finally woke up. He hadn’t slept that late in a long time. He checked his phone. 

‘Go back to sleep’ at 9am

‘Don’t think of coming in before 10’ at 9.30

‘Cheese for lunch?’ at 10am

Please? Miss you. X ten minutes ago. 

Patrick tapped out a quick reply ‘Just woke up. Needed that. Thank you. See you soon. X’

Then added ‘With cheese x’ 

He put his phone back down and hauled himself out of bed, noticing now he was fully awake his body showed all the classic signs of a migraine hangover. Everything was stiff, he felt a bit groggy. His head felt like he’d had one too many beers. But otherwise he was ok. He couldn’t shake what happened last night completely, but he tried to. For now, just get through the day. He got himself showered and dressed. He made some toast and coffee. It was 11 now, he had time to walk in, that would clear his head a bit more. He considered stopping at the cafe for lunch for them both, but instead decided on making it. 

He was slicing tomatoes for his sandwich- not for David’s, he valued not getting another lecture on soggy bread- when the thought settled in his mind. A picnic at Rattlesnake Point. Really the idea had only been half formed in his head until now. When they’d danced at his Birthday he’d first thought it. Yesterday as he’d cried in David’s arms, both times, the idea had floated by again. And now making a cheese sandwich of all things, it finally settled in his mind. 

He packed up their lunch, gathered his things and made his way to the Store. His head felt clearer now, lighter. He felt lighter. Battered, slightly bruised but lighter. If that was possible. He stopped for coffee and a tea before walking into the Store. When he arrived David was with a customer. He knew that David hated that, when he couldn’t rush over and greet him. But Patrick secretly loved it. He loved being able to watch David do what he loved. As much as he cursed other people, customer ignorance, David was a natural with customers, and watching him do what he’d set out to do, in setting up the Store, filled Patrick with a sense of pride as well as love. And so he watched David charm an older lady into an amount of bath salts and creams that was probably unnecessary, but so charmed was she by him that she didn’t care. Patrick stood by the door refilling the shelves when she was finally ready to pay. 

‘He’s very helpful this young man.’ the lady who was about 70 with dyed flame red hair told him with a smile. 

‘Oh I know, he’s very good, now we finally managed to train him.’ Patrick said with a smirk. David made a face over the woman’s head. 

‘Where did you find him?’ she asked, he knows everything. 

‘I don’t know.’ Patrick said, ‘But we can’t send him back now so we’re making use of him.’

‘Don’t listen to him dear.’ she told David, ‘My husband used to tease me all the time. It was just a sign of how much he loved me.’ she winked at Patrick who laughed. 

‘Oh we’re not. I mean’ David stuttered. 

‘Really? But I could have sworn, I mean the way he looks at you.’ she jerked her head at Patrick, ‘When you’re not looking. My husband did that too. Sorry dears I assumed you two were.’

‘He means we aren’t married.’ Patrick said locking eyes with David to see his reaction, he lowered his voice to stage whisper at her, ‘But you’re right I watch him all day when I can.’

She laughed a wicked laugh that made Patrick beam as he walked around the counter and put an arm around David. 

‘Look at you two.’ she beamed. ‘This place is lovely. And so are you.’ she picked up her bag and turned to leave. ‘Ask him to marry you sooner rather than later. You never know what life will throw at you, and it helps having someone in your corner.’ she said before nodding and leaving. 

Patrick looked up at David, who looked slightly bemused. ‘Well that was a lot for an order of bath salts and moisturizer.’ he said blinking. 

‘Hello, by the way.’ Patrick said tilting his head up as a hint. 

‘Sorry’ David said, leaning in for a kiss ‘I was distracted by marriage advice from octogenarians.’ 

‘She was 70 if she was a day David.’ Patrick smiled. ‘Anyway.’ he said quickly changing the subject ‘Everything ok?’ 

‘I have coped in your absence.’ David said with suitable dramatic flair. He looked Patrick up and down ‘Are you ok?’

‘Fully functional.’ Patrick assured him. 

‘Good.’ David said, and with barely a beat. ‘I see coffee but…’

‘Lunch is in my bag.’ Patrick said going into the stockroom to retrieve it. 

They passed a quiet day in the Store. Monday’s were always quiet, and it made for an easy day of Patrick working on the monthly figures, and David sketching plans for seasonal stock in his notebook between helping customers. Every now and then David would check in with Patrick. Making sure he was drinking water, giving him Advil every four hours, even doing the afternoon coffee run (and bringing back a decaf tea, because the internet had informed him that was a good idea). And at five they were slowly packing up before Patrick dragged himself to rehearsal. He was fine, but honestly the idea of another two hours on his feet had him longing for bed. David was chattering away while he shifted the outdoor displays inside. 

‘So when you get home I’ll show you my ideas for the fall candles and display. I know you don’t really care, but I need someone to talk through the ideas with. And anyway I’ve spent actual weeks of my life listening to my Mother’s set and costume designs at this point-’

‘Thank you for the shorts and suspenders look there by the way’

‘Thank Bob Fosse for that- I swear to God if you say Bob who we are done by the way- anyway I thought we could look over those candle displays but also I saw some super cute side tables on the same website- not for the Store I just thought they’d look really cute at home.’

Patrick smiled as he brought in the last of the outdoor displays. David had said ‘home’ twice in two sentences. It hadn’t escaped his notice that he’d spent more and more time there, and more and more energy on decor in recent months. He doubted David had noticed what he was doing, but a tiny shift between ‘home’ and ‘the Motel’ had started to creep in. He was still talking but Patrick had zoned out, mainly because it seemed to now be a monologue on Fosse’s directing approaches and his misogyny, which while important, he had heard many, many times in the last couple of months. So he quietly shifted produce and made encouraging noise as David continued. 

‘Well do you?’ He registered David say. 

‘What sorry?’ Patrick said, ‘I was, um thinking about rehearsal, sorry.’ he was really going to miss that excuse for moments he wasn’t really listening, that and ‘I was running songs in my head.’ 

‘Hmm.’ David said ‘it’s almost like you don’t care about the biographies of auteur directors.’

‘Almost.’ Patrick said. ‘What did you say?’

David smiled ‘I said did you want Pizza for dinner?’

Patrick couldn’t help it, he smiled a ridiculously big smile for what was an entirely dull question. The domesticity of it- packing up the store for the day, running off to do his evening hobby before coming home to dinner. It was in fact, one of those moments you dream about. 

‘Hey David come here a second.’ Patrick was standing near the end of the centre counter facing the register. David was tidying the middle display. He looked up and frowned, but did as he was asked. Standing opposite Patrick next to the register. ‘Bit closer.’ Patrick said. David rolled his eyes but obeyed. Patrick reached out and stopped him when he was in arms reach. ‘Switch places with me?’ he said. 

‘Is this some kind of weird dance rehearsal?’ David asked, ‘because I did not agree to this.’ 

‘Just do it will you?’ Patrick said mimicking David’s whiny tone. David pouted but obeyed. When Patrick had him in position he took a step back. So he was against the counter. 

David flailed his arms at him like a disgruntled toddler ‘What are we doing.’

‘Will you listen to me for a second?’ 

David folded his arms and tilted his head. ‘What is this for?’ David complained. 

‘Would you just.’ Patrick sighed ‘Would you just listen a sec?’

David pouted, but seemed to sense this was important to him. Patrick leaned back against the counter for a second, thinking. 

‘Right here.’ he said eventually, ‘Right here was where I finally realised I was Gay, and, that I had the sort of feelings for my new business partner I couldn’t ignore.’ He looked at David waiting for a response, but he seemed to be waiting for more. Patrick ploughed on, ‘The day of our Friends and Family night, when we shut the doors and I hugged you right here. That moment was when everything really changed for me.’ he took a breath. ‘Up until that moment I could have walked away. I could have continued to lie to myself, I could have.’ he looked up and shrugged. 

‘But you hugged me.’ David half smiled, ‘You took that first step.’ 

Patrick put his hands in his pockets and looked down. ‘I mean I didn’t do anything else about it.’ he sighed ‘Except maybe torture myself for several weeks more.’ he expected David to make a sarcastic comment, or a comment about him making the first move finally. But he didn’t. Patrick looked up, David was looking at him fondly. 

‘I always thought I imagined that.’ he said with a half smile. ‘You hugging me for a few seconds too long. If that light hadn’t flickered and…’ he shrugged and looked down ‘I thought it was me watching too many romcoms.’

‘Oh it very much is’ Patrick said, pushing himself off the counter and standing in front of David, resting his hands in their familiar position on his hips. Instead of resting his own hands on his shoulders like he usually did, David covered Patrick’s hands with his own. He looked down at him, sensing there was more. 

‘You made the hardest thing I have ever done the easiest. Which makes no sense at all.’ 

‘Well people often say I don’t make sense, so.’ David raised his eyebrows and looked up deflecting Patrick’s complement. He squeezed at his hips just enough to get his attention back. ‘David.’ he said, ‘Thank you.’ he felt tears prick at his eyes as David wrapped him in a tight hug, bringing his head to rest on his shoulder. He held on, not just a second too long this time, but stood there for full minutes, just holding him.

Eventually they pulled apart. ‘I’d better go.’ Patrick made a face. ‘You know all too well the penalty for being late.’ 

‘Public shaming.’ David nodded ‘I know it well.’ 

‘You ok to finish up?’

David nodded. Patrick grabbed his bag, and with a quick kiss was gone. David got out his phone.

30 minutes later Patrick pushed open the door to his apartment, where David was already sprawled out on the sofa. 

‘I got sent home.’ 

David smirked. ‘Well you really don’t look well.’ 

‘I got sent home because your Mom said we couldn’t have me ending up in a coma before opening night.’ 

‘A tad dramatic granted.’ he smirked, he hadn’t even had to overplay Patrick’s illness before his Mom went to the extremes. 

‘Did you have something to do with this?’ 

‘I couldn’t possibly say.’ 

‘David Rose, you are a pest.’ 

‘You know your lines. You know the songs because you have sung them incessantly -’

‘You have sung along too’

‘And a night of rest will do you far more good.’ he sat up properly on the sofa ‘Are you going to waste your night off yelling at me from the kitchen.’

Patrick smiled. Putting his bag down and shrugging out of his coat. ‘You really risked the wrath of your Mother to give me a night off?’ 

David shrugged. ‘The wrath isn’t that bad if you know how to work it.’

Patrick flopped down on the sofa, ‘You may need to teach me.’

‘Gladly.’ David said, leaning in to kiss him. ‘Pizza is on its way.’ 

Patrick exhaled leaning back into the sofa closing his eyes. God he was tired. He opened his eyes and turned his head to David. ‘Thank you.’ he said with a half smile. David nodded, and opened his arms gesturing for Patrick to lean into him, which he gladly did. He felt David’s fingers working into his hair, a welcome release. 

‘A few more weeks and I won’t have to schedule around my Mother too.’ David said planting a kiss in his hair. 

‘Hmm.’ Patrick said. Letting David carry on working his fingers through his hair for a few moments enjoying the peace. ‘I don’t have a weekend day off for two weeks.’ he sighed. Then before he was aware of the thought forming, ‘Two weeks from Sunday. We’ve got the day off. I thought we could go for a picnic?’

‘Sounds good.’ David said it felt like he was styling Patrick’s hair now at the same time. ‘Will there be cheese?’ 

Patrick chuckled, ‘Sure David there will be cheese.’

‘Then I’m very in.’ he said. 

‘You’re planning an outfit already aren’t you?’ Patrick smiled, closing his eyes. He was very in too. ‘Hey David?’ he said, opening his eyes. David looked down at him and smiled. ‘I know.’ he said. Patrick’s eyes closed before he could finish smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was way, way too much detail for what started as a way for me to write about migraines. But hopefully, it worked through a few other things too.
> 
> The title comes from Noah Reid's song 'False Alarms'.

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a quick post-episode fic for my 'I guess I'll just lie here' series...it turned into something epic. For which I am sorry, but I hope there's some nice moments with these two among it all.


End file.
